whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
