Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
