she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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