he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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