Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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