I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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