It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
