I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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