My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Randomize
