he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
