Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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