Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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