headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
