From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
