Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
