my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
