Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
