on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
