That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its not stalking. its research.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
