did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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