i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
