Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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