Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
