can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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