we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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