Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
