My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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