Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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