maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
