I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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