yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
