So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
