i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
