she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
