You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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