My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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