if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
