I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
