It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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