Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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