i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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