Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
