You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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