My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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