i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
