I am spending my child support on dildos
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
