Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
