OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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