i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I supernannyed him into submission
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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