Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
two words: eviction party
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
