i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
