I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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