ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
