Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
