just tell him i said nine months
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I could make wine with my vomit
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
