My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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