Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ttyl tear gas
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
