i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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